beetlebutt | And I Feel Fine

[Jaime has kept himself suited up, largely because he's not sure if he'll be able to power up again after powering down. The suit is still visibly damaged. Something about this place has messed with both scarab's ability to repair itself and his ability to repair Jaime. Which means he probably won't last long in this place without help.]

[The help he's gotten is...unnerving. But considering how much the scarab has tripped off the senses of other people in this world, how much it's registered as dangerous, he can't judge them. Vampire, alien killing machine, it all kind of pans out equally, doesn't it? He gets why he registers as dangerous to them, too.]

[Which is why he's grateful one of them was willing to help him get to the point of thinned reality the scarab thinks he can use to open a portal back to Jaime's world. So far Kevin has proven himself helpful and trustworthy and how nice he is definitely is disarming.]

[And at least the scenery isn't as scary as it could've been. For a world post-apocalypse, he wasn't expecting to be chilling in a forest.]

I still haven't thanked you for doing this. So, uh. Thanks.

I'm sure other superheroes are used to getting trapped in other dimensions or whatever, but I'm kind of new at this.

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Oh man the thing with vampires is that everyone is like hella old and they are super big on rules. So I guess I feel some of that for sure.

Like, okay, I know the guy who was Prince of New York for like five minutes and we're cool now, but there is kinda. A whole thing. Where if you piss off somebody important enough and they eat your face it's like. Just...

[ Kevin is not a wordsmith, he has to wrangle with it for a moment. His free hand grabs at the air. ]

I don't know, just kind of a little bit embarrassing and wow it's your fault they did that. Good job fucking it up.

And apparently like, so many of 'em that survived wanna just keep doing that. But with a new coat of paint and pretending to be friends with alive people.

[ ...A very brief beat. ]

No offense. I'm good with alive people I just like... I don't pretend it isn't what it is, you know?

None taken. I think if I had to feed on people I wouldn't pretend it was all super chill, either.

[A pause.]

I mean, I can't even pretend my superhero situation is like other superheroes. All the others have superpowers they have to learn to control but with me, it's like...

The scarab has come a long way but he still doesn't really understand right from wrong.

[TRYING.]

[Jaime's voice goes a little softer and he looks down and away, making it clear he's not speaking to Kevin.]

I know you're trying. And you're doing a good job at learning. It'll just take time.

[He looks back up.]

But he's still kind of kill-happy as a default. And powerful. And until he completely understands, I have to hold him back. So I can't just pretend we're harmless.

[ Something about this makes Kevin perk up just a little. It's not... funny exactly, but it's close enough. ]

Oh dude, if it makes your bug feel any better, tell him I got a friend who is legit like. Over a thousand years old. And still working on that one because I think they just kinda forgot for a while.

[ He looks away from Jaime, preferring to focus on the way ahead as he continues. ]

Which is, I think, kind of depressingly normal for being a vampire. I don't wanna go all oh man, what if it turns out Dracula was a sad dude —

[ He derails for just a second, distracted. ]

Actually yeah, I do think on some level Dracula was a sad dude cause it turns out he's real, but. Anyway.

I don't pretend vampires being sad means they stop being a problem but man, you kinda don't get a choice about it?

You eat. That's... you don't get to decide not to because then the vampire side of you becomes boss and makes it happen, so you try to... not... hurt people. But you do. You hurt people.

[ He's slowing down, doubtful, unsure if this is even the right thing to be unloading about to a stranger. It's probably not. ]

And you have to find a way to live... unlive with yourself. And sometimes I guess that's just deciding you're not a person anymore.

But I'm only ten years old so...

[ Kevin's mouth makes an O shape and he blows out a big woosh of air he only pretends to breathe out of habit. ]

[It's the right stranger to unload onto. For a second, he almost gets stuck on the Dracula thing, but then the rest comes out.]

I'm sorry. That sounds hard.

And I get it. At least a little. I won't pretend I get it entirely - that's not fair, when you're the one living with it.

But...

[He holds a hand to his chest.]

I accidentally killed someone once. I didn't mean to. I just hit him with an energy blast but I guess it was too strong and he...

His powers overloaded somehow. If it wasn't for two other heroes, everyone - the other heroes, the villains we were fighting - they'd all have died.

[It's not something he'd normally confess to a stranger, but there's so much sincerity here, something so familiar it almost aches. And it's different confessing this to someone that isn't all stern like Batman. This is confessing to someone like him.]

But the fact they were saved doesn't matter, and it will especially never change what happened to the guy that couldn't be. And the scary part is even if I try super hard, there's still a non-zero chance it'll happen again.

I could just stay home and never use my powers again, like Batman wanted. But that'd just make it so I let people die that I could save. Passively. I don't think there's any difference.

[ Kevin nods his head. He takes it seriously when someone hands him a story like that. If things were more normal and he weren't a monster and his weird new friend didn't have a danger-sense-addling hitchhiker on board, Kevin might even have touched his shoulder. The instinct is there. ]

Aww, dude, I'm sorry. That sounds hard too. It's kind of crazy how much of this I get, considering what I got is a weird blood curse and not a space bug?

[ He only narrowly manages not to start wondering aloud about if Cockroach counts in the bug department. He's not sure how much attention the great spirit is even paying to him anymore, now that there are werewolves again. ]

I've thought about that a lot too. I don't throw energy blasts but like, bro, I'm way fast. I'm strong. I can do stuff normal people can't do cause of this.

But I'm like... I'm nobody, man.

I spent a lotta years basically being told I didn't know shit about shit, and so I didn't do anything cause maybe I'm too dumb to do right things. But now if I do the wrong thing, maybe people die. But if I do nothing that's also for sure a wrong thing.

[ He hops down the side of a gully that's running across their path without even really thinking about it. ]

So you just do... anything, I guess. Because anything's something and God didn't put the answers in the back of the book for this chapter.

[ He eyes Jaime. ]

You good to cross? I know you're kinda banged up. We can maybe go around if we gotta?

[ It's an offer. ]

We're good.

[Sometimes it's a "we," especially if it involves the suit.]

[He makes the jump easily, landing in a spider-like crouch. His movements in the suit are definitely not human at times. ]

[When he stands he looks at Kevin thoughtfully.]

The universe is super weird, you know? It only took getting blasted to an alternate universe to meet someone who, like, gets it.

And right when I do, I've got to find a way back.

Alright, good.

[ At least this guy's not alone, and has a helpful super suit for a friend. There are much worse off ways to be. Back to the walk. ]

The universe works in weird ways, I guess. Maybe it knows you needed to talk to somebody else who's got fucked up problems?

[ It's something Kevin's genuinely wondering, considering that it was a force beyond mortal ken that put him on his own path. ]

I think you got your head on straight, man. For whatever my opinion counts for. It just sounds like the whole rest of everything's upside-down and it's hard to tell.

Kind of sounds the same for you, bro.

I mean, world ends and you're still trying to do what good you can? If my world ever goes that far - and it might, one of these days - I hope I have it in me to do the same.

[He's not sure how his spirit could still be in it.]

Edited 2021-03-15 07:01 (UTC)

I hope you guys can get back to things being less of a shitshow without this kind of thing coming up.

But like... if it does and it's too much for a while, don't kick your own ass too hard for it, dude. I think that is a big normal reaction to super traumatizing shit.

[ He can't help Jaime fix it in a real way, but maybe giving him some of the things Kevin thinks he might have learned by now can help him in a weird brainfake way. It's worth a shot. ]

I'll try to keep that in mind, 'cause I can see myself falling into the "you could've stopped it" hole for years.

[He climbs up over a fallen tree.]

Scarab says we're almost there.

I guess like, you can't help anybody from there. Is a way to think about it.

[ Kevin clears the tree with an uncanny, effortless jump. ]

Cool.

[ He smiles, a little selfconsciously. ]

I feel like I am giving you some kind of pep talk or something.

And I Feel Fine

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